A Healing Week (18-3)

1/22/2018

Home for a week now, each day I am more awake, more alert, more me.

Each day I walk a bit more, usually with Sean, at a glacial pace. First to the end of the block, then around the block. On Saturday Dan escorted me a full slow mile around the neighborhood, and on Sunday we visited Ramona Quimby, Henry Huggins and Ribsy at Grant Park. I am disappointed not to participate in the Women’s March this year, but have given myself permission to temporarily ignore the outer world as I heal from this event.

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Beverly Cleary Sculpture Garden, Grant Park

I have been thinking about trust. What is it that allowed me to trust people I’ve met only briefly, including some on the team I never will meet while conscious, to thread some sort of mechanism into my brain and perform this surgery. That is the foundation of civilization, I suppose, that the standards put in place by experts will be upheld, that we all expect to do our best by each other, that we trust.

Knitting

Some time is passed in the evenings with Dan and Sean, watching ‘The Good Place’ and adding several repeats to my Girl in the Neurosurgery Ward shawl. The yarn is Tosh Merino Light in the Mandala and Flashdance colorways.

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A mantra for the week from one of my favorite podcasts:

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Marquam Hill, Portland, OR (18-2)

1/10/18     A different kind of Adventure of the Week:      Marqham Hill

Begins with a pre-dawn drive up Sam Jackson Road, four flights of stairs in the parking garage, into the entrance hall where I get my wristband; down to the preop suite where I wipe myself with antiseptic wipes and change into a snap on gown, booties and shower cap. That’s when it all gets real. Someone comes to start the IV;  I sign all the forms that admit knowledge of possible bad outcomes including death, and then they whisk me away into the OR ante room. I start shaking uncontrollably as they transfer me to the operating table, but they give me oxygen and then the mask, say “Count down five breaths”.  I only remember three.

Someone is tugging at a mask on my face. There are bright lights in my eyes. They are holding me in place, putting oxygen tubes in my nose, needles in my arms. I am coming awake and it is over and they say I am doing fine.

Then there are a number of hours I am in and out of awake. Dan is there holding my hand. Emily is sitting next to me giving me droplets of water and encouraging me to eat one saltine cracker that takes 2 1/2 hours. There is a light above that is too bright and one doctor says the hospital is full and I may have to stay in this space all night. It is very noisy and bright and I feel discouraged. Eventually they do find a room for me and wheel me in most carefully. Now here I have been for three days with the kindest of nurses caring for me, doctors coming and going in teams all hours of the night, needles poking, measuring ins and outs. Brian and Sean keep me company and take me on walks around the halls and I appreciate their presence. Dan is ever-present and stays the first night. Emily stays the next two nights and I slowly shed tubes and wires and medications until I feel almost ready to go home.

By day three I am feeling very accomplished to make several laps around the 10th floor neurosurgery ward, and a walk to the view plaza above the Portland Tram, resting and looking at all three snow covered peaks on the skyline on a beautiful blue sky day.

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Mt Hood and lower waterfront from Portland Tram plaza

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Mt St Helens and Mt Adams

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Mt St Helens and a peek at Mt Rainier over its left shoulder (photos by Dan)

Friends and family have texted emailed visited called, sent flowers balloons meals good wishes. Now I just look forward to slowly getting better and less dizzy as I adjust to the new me. No more excess human growth hormone seeping from an adenoma on my pituitary. No more hidden acromegaly.

After 4 days on the hill we drive home, me shielding my eyes from the too bright sun and the overwhelming motion around me. I walk as if balancing a marble on my brittle bubble of a head, each day my equilibrium slowly increasing. In a few weeks I hope to be able to move better, drive, smell, hike…continue the adventures.

Meanwhile, the knitting:

I’ve added a few rows to the Girl From the Grocery Store Shawl, though I may rename it Girl in the Neurosurgery Ward.

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