9/20/2020 – Fresh air again

Sun out today, white clouds, blue sky, it looks the way it should.

Today we are going to actually do something.
Today we are going to the coast.

Today when I woke up I felt so helpless- thinking about the death of Ruth Bader Ginsberg, and all the political turmoil that is part of the way we live now, spiraling down through conspiracy theories of my own regarding the complete fall of our democracy bit by bit throughout this administration, and how it will go on if the election fails again.

And Covid, and wildfires, and the fact that I can’t hug my son, and seeing my daughter is risky…a whirling spiral life of anxiety….and I am priveliged to take a break but cannot really, though I have my home, my town – safe places for the most part, for now…

I woke too early, at 6 am with these thoughts. I opened Facebook and there my friend Helen was posting in the wee hours last night about her own anxiety, her fears. And so many people told her she was not alone, they shared her fears.

I am sitting here in the sun in my kitchen window, watching the post-wildfire-smoke neighborhood come back to life. We donated money to political, food assistance and wildfire relief organizations. We are going to take some long walks on the beach this week, and clear our brains a bit, return refreshed and newly ready to proceed under the most stressful circumstances of this year, do whatever we need to do, whatever comes next. I hope.

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